I never thought that a Blog can be my diary someday!! Maybe no one is reading it? Maybe my story would maintain silent forever. However, I just wish u, my beloved son can see it someday somehow.
I used to learn chinese astrology fortune telling. I am not professional. But, I learn it during my most miserable moment & out of my owned interest. A moment later, I quit. I quit because I am scare! Whatever I read & forecast has become reality.
1) I learn it when I divorced with my ex-wife. Result show I m seperated & still attached with some unseen string in my relationship. This is exactly the moment that I try to pull back the relation within the 3 years of trying in my age of 24 to 27. I was quite happy that the skill I learned was amazing & accurate!
2) Then, I calculated backward, the biggest chances of getting married was during 20 yrs old. It was also accurate because I married my ex-wife at the age of 20.
3) Later on I totally give up my relationship with her. I then calculate again due to another 2 unsuccessful relationships. Result show I m going to get marry next year. I was shock! I broken up with the 2 pretty ladies after I gave up my relationship with my ex-wife! I am totally unattach! & result shown my second marriage would be the first half of next year! It was August that time! & that come to reality & it happened in the coming year April which I married ur mother.
4) I then again calculated. I have 3 marriages in my entire life. I should have son only at the age of late 30th or beginning of 40th. I don't have much chances being close to my child/children. I should have die lonely. I may die at the age around early 40' and if I cross over this life treat, I will live long till 60-70th. I am shock & scare.. I dare not calculate the exact date of my death! I quit enhance my skills in the chinese astrology technique.
I married your mother during 30 years old & she was pregnant with you around half year later. Thus, make your mother & me choose a girl's name and shopping with little girl's dresses since I insisted you should be a daughter. However, when doctors informed us that your mother pregnancy was a little boy, I felt shock but happy. I thought that I had broken the chain of fate! Because you were born healthly while I am only 31 years old that time.
Thus, I spent exceptional extra careful, patient, time and love for you. I was worry that I would have to split up with you someday. Thus, I fully committed myself in this marriage with devotion, patient, love & manage it as good as I can. Beside that, I am actually trying to avoid my third marriage. I treasured each & every moment being with you, my little baby! I can do almost all sort of things taking care of a baby comparing to majority fathers except bathing you while you were few months old. I am afraid due to my rudeness I fracture your little bone.. This I found more love & virtue of your mother when being together and slowly deeply fall into her love. I have to admit that I truly love her only after some time of our marriage.
Today, I am at the age of 38. Something happened totally shaken the marriage between your mother & me. I am scare now! I knew if our marriage doesn't work out, it would had me falling back to the fate chain! It hurt me a lot! The only comfort for me is that I had did my best to treasure you and your mother while we are being together. I am still trying hard to secure the family & the relationship with your mother. I do not know what is the outcome of my trying? Your mother is a lovely pretty woman but dominant. I am not sure does she realize that I would have a life danger treat which might cause me lose my life in the coming 40? And hopefully it is not because of my unstable emotion that I committed suicide due to the failure of our marriage! Of cause I don't feel like commiting suicide now, but, if I do not control, God know what is going to happen? I am still do not understand what is the cause of my 40' life treatening danger?? Sickness? Marriage? Accident?
I read my facebook posting today. I scroll back from the most recent to almost 6 months ago. I can see the path of my life and emotional fluctuation within this period of time. I confirm that I had already done the best I could in our family & shouldn't regret of it. However, I am greedy! I wish more from fate! I want to be happy with you & your mother forever! However I couldn't manage it!
Please forgive me, my beloved son! I may not be able to hold you tightly in my arms and as well as your mother! I love you & your mom!
I don't know what is the result of my trying? Perhaps you don't even have a chance to read this article or understand what your dad personality (character / virtue) since you are so young now. Information about me may be (emphasize: May be) distorted by your future guardian if I couldn't manage to save my marriage since my fate was design that I should have die lonely or regret. (even with or without someone beside, my heart is still feeling lonely or some point of regret according to my astrology fortune telling)
Things had already gradually happened according to my reading! I had did whatever I could and still trying at some point some way! I hope I won't be dying so soon that I couldn't even have a chance to rectify things in life.
Please forgive me if I fail! Please love your mother for me. It is still very painful when I think of it. Please accept her everything include all her virtues together with her mistake for what your dad had not fulfill. I love the both you even I am physically with or without being together with you all. May God bless you, my love(s) forever..
Your beloved Father,
Cateyepeep
Remark: My dearest beloved son, you will have a lot of girls falling for you when you grow up. Kindly be careful & manage it wisely. Be faithful & loyal to the one you pick. Your Daddy love you and wishes you with my best blessing ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment